Sanzo's Robes
by juujin-bunshin
Summary: Ever wonder where Sanzo puts his sutra when he's not wearing it around his shoulders? Well, Kougaiji is going to find out. SanzoxKougaiji


Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

Kougaiji was getting sick of this. Every time he went to get the sutra from Sanzo, that stupid monkey always got in the way. He was sure that if he could just get the priest alone, he could defeat him, and take the sutra. So in order to do this, he set out alone and began stalking Sanzo, waiting for an opportunity to strike.

He had been stalking Sanzo for days, and had still not gotten a chance. Those four seemed to be inseparable. They ate together...slept in the same room...everything! However, that wasn't the only problem. The whole time he had been watching Sanzo, he was not wearing his sutra on his shoulders like he usually was. Instead, he had just been wearing his black shirt. His tight black shirt...but Kougaiji forced himself not to think about that. Instead, he wondered where he was keeping the sutra. He knew it had to be on him, but where? Well, wherever it was, he'd find out soon (hopefully).

On the fourth day, Kou finally got his chance. The group had run out of food and needed to go grocery shopping, and apparently, Sanzo was above this task so he stayed behind. Kougaiji decided to wait for the entourage to be well away from the inn they were staying at before he made his move. So he watched for a bit as Sanzo sat there in his glasses reading the paper sipping his tea. 'What an old man,' Kougaiji thought. But then found himself adding 'But old men usually aren't that hot...' Well, Kou shook that out of his head as quickly as possible, and burst through the door before he lost his will to attack.

He pointed a finger at his target and shouted "Genjo Sanzo! Today there will be no interferences. It's you and me, and I will take your sutra."

Sanzo didn't even look up from his newspaper. He simply pointed his gun in Kougaiji's direction and said "If you're going to be so noisy, I don't even have to look up to shoot you."

"I already told you, you need more than that to kill me anyway."

"You always say that." Then Sanzo lifted his head, "Let's find out if it's true."

Sanzo fired but Kougaiji had already moved. Two seconds later, Sanzo felt a swift kick to his side that sent him sprawling into the table. He quickly recovered and shot again. This time he managed to put a hole in Kou's jacket as it trailed behind him as he leapt out to the way. Kou landed and inspected his jacket dejectedly.

"Tch. This was my favorite jacket."

"Favorite, huh? You really do have terrible fashion sense. Why don't you put a shirt on or something?" Sanzo really meant this last part. He was finding Kougaiji's bare torso to be oddly distracting.

"Why do you care how I dress?" Kougaiji asked as kneed Sanzo in the ribs.

"I don't," Sanzo said as he put another hole in said jacket.

Kougaiji glanced sullenly at the latest hole. "This is getting annoying. It's time to get this over with." He then pretended to start summoning, which caught Sanzo off guard just enough (because he didn't really expect him to summon anything inside), so that he had a chance to kick Sanzo to the floor and securely bind his hands and feet.

"There. Now, all I have to do is find that sutra. Where do you keep it?"

"You think I'm just gonna tell you, mother fucking asshole." As he said this he spit some blood that was trickling out his mouth in the demon prince's direction.

Kougaiji's eyes blazed, and he punched Sanzo in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. "Don't talk about my mother, jackass." He then proceeded to do something that confuses Sanzo to this day. He lifted up Sanzo's robe, and crawled underneath.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm looking for the sutra. I've been thinking about this, and you must keep it under here somewhere."

"You must be looking for death."

"No, just the sutra."

They were both quiet for a while. Sanzo could feel Kougaiji's nails as he searched for the sutra. A feeling he did not find entirely unwelcome. Then suddenly, while still underneath the robes, Kougaiji sat up.

"Um, Sanzo?"

"Yeah?" He knew where this was going.

"You don't wear anything under your robe..."

"I'm well aware of that, dick-face." He immediately wished he had picked a different insult, and Kougaiji was very glad the robes were covering his now red face.

This whole time, Sanzo had been working a hand free and was about to pick up his gun when he heard the door knob turn. So instead he used his free hand to quicky shove Kougaiji's face into the floor in an attempt to hide him.

Then Gojyo walked in and saw Sanzo on the floor, tied up, legs spread, and breathing heavily.  
"Expecting someone special? Or is this all for me?"

"Die."

"Guess it's not for me then. That's okay, I'm not really into that anyway. I'll let you alone then. We all know how much you could use the action, tight-ass. Have fun! 3" Then he turned around and shut the door behind him. Sanzo could hear him shout "Let's go guys. Our high and mighty priest is getting down and dirty. Let's go to the bar for a bit." Then he heard Hakkai's saying "Right, right. He could use that. We should leave him alone." And then Goku asking what was going on and Gojyo telling him that he'd explain it to him after he hit puberty. Sanzo sighed. He would have to kill them later. Right now, he turned his attention to the problem at hand. That problem being the large mass between his legs.

"I'm going to kill you!" He shouted as he smashed Kou's head into the ground with new found force. However, this plan backfired.

"God dammit! Stop squirming!"

"You're trying to suffocate me! How do you expect me not to fight back?"

"Well your damn pointy ears keep poking me! It's annoying!" Well, at least he told himself it was annoying, in reality, he kinda liked it.

Just then, Goku burst in through the door and both men froze.

"Sanzo, what's going on? Hakkai 'n Gojyo won't tell me."

"Don't worry about it, Goku. It doesn't matter. Just go to the bar."

"But Gojyo always just makes fun of me for not being old enough ta' drink alcohol."

"Fine, then you know what? I'll let you have some today. Tell Hakkai to buy it for you. Now go."

"Yay! Alcohol!" Then he skipped out the door.

"Stupid monkey," Sanzo said as he finally released his death grip on Kougaiji's head, allowing him to come up for air.

"Good thing you're so tiny. I don't even think Goku noticed you under there, and I don't know what he would have done if he had." But really, Sanzo knew what Goku would have done. He would have gotten all excited to see Kougaiji again and then fought him. But then later Sanzo would have to explain what Kougaiji was doing under his robe, and then the ape would tell Gojyo about it, and then Sanzo would never here the end of it. He'd like to avoid that situation if possible.

"Don't call me tiny," Kougaiji said. He almost sounded pouty.

Sanzo smirked. "Well, maybe if you didn't wear such tight pants it wouldn't be such an obvious fact." Sanzo then smiled to himself and sat back, waiting for a reaction.

"...I wouldn't talk if I were you."

Sanzo grabbed his gun and put it pressed it against Kougaiji's head. "That's it, smart ass. Get out of there and die."

"No. I haven't found the sutra yet, and I'm not leaving empty handed."

Sanzo thought about this for a while. He knew he would find it eventually, so he decided to make an alternative offer. "Then I'll give you something else." Now this wasn't Sanzo's usual style, but what was that old adage about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer? Sanzo figured that this was a good a time as any to give it try.

Now Kougaiji was getting kind of tired of getting his face slammed into the floor, and failure to obtain the sutra was nothing new anyway. So he peeked out from under Sanzo's robe and asked "And what would that be?"

Then Sanzo shot his gun just above Kougaiji's head causing him hit the floor. Well, in this case Sanzo's body was in the way so he ended up lying on top of him with their faces mere centimeters apart. Then Sanzo craned his neck to make his lips meet with Kou's. He then ran his tongue along Kou's teeth just to make sure he knew what was going on. When he finally released, he smiled and said, "But I usually prefer the top, so if you want more, you're going to have to untie me."

Kougaiji's face still showed his shock. But he managed to nod and meekly mutter "okay" as he got up and obediently untied everything. He had managed to collect himself a bit while doing so, and gently removed Sanzo's glasses and set them on the table before going to receive Sanzo's sutra substitute.  
During the course of the following events, Kougaiji finally did come across the hiding spot for the sutra. But he just threw it aside and decided that he'd worry about that next time. It wouldn't be very fair to take it now after accepting the alternative. He also tried to leave about half way through when he thought they were done, but Sanzo grabbed his hair and pulled him back down saying "We're not done yet, pretty boy. And I said I'd give you something in place of the sutra, and I always pay my debts in full."

Later, back at the castle...

"Oniichan! You're back!" Lirin shouted as she glomped her older brother. "Did you get it?"

Kougaiji blushed and looked away while rubbing the back of his head. "Well, I got something, but not the sutra..."

"Then what did you get?"

"I'll tell you when you're older."

"Nyah! Oniichan never tells Lirin anything!"

And back at the inn...

The rest of the group had finally returned to find Sanzo sitting at the table, reading his newspaper, and smoking a cigarette.

"So, Sanzo, what exactly did you and your friend do today?" asked Goyjo.

"That's none of your business."

"Ohhh, don't tell me you disappointed them?"

"Don't put me on your level, asshole."

"So you had a good time then?" Hakkai piped in while holding Gojyo back.

Sanzo took a long drag and slowly blow out the smoke.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."


End file.
